On my result day, which is a months ago had already passed like time flies so fast and now its left for me to wait for my 'love letter' to arrive for me to further my study. I wish I would get IPTA's offer with my favorite course or Matriks. I want to continue my studies so bad.
While waiting for that, I have to work so that I don't have any time to waste my parent's money and also it could add up my pocket money. Actually I'm working to lose weight but I feel like I am no different from before and sometimes I feel I gain weight which is making me more panic for awhile and later just stop giving a f.
I knew these two guys, Safwan and Shukri at my workplace. They are my cliques and sometimes I feel like they are my best friend because I am very comfortable with them such as being cute, clingy, sexy, flirty, bitchy, and more that I never showed to any guy before, I could literally had done most things I never thought I could do. It's not we're doing something wrong, what I'm trying to say is they understand well with how I act and they keep respond to it. Lately, Syuk has been so harsh to me like he punch me and push me so hard and pretend it was an accident and laugh and i'm like YOU'VE GOT TO BE F***KING KIDDING ME, YOU LITTLE BASTARD in my heart. I don't know why he's so mean to me now. I feel disappointed because I try to like him because I just wanna try and nobody would ever give a f bout that but he keep giving me a really like REALLY HELL NO respond for me and I'm like I'M DONE WITH THIS GUY but then he showed me that he cares for me at times and how nice he can be at times and I'm like HE'S A FREAKIN BIPOLAR! but still there are sides of him that I still like.
Sometimes I do feel he was a bit jealous of how I joking around with wan more than I did with him, but when I do realize that situation I will backing off from wan and instead I went for him but he just shoved me away with harshness and I can't stand being treated like that and I keep giving up to try liking him because he has such a big ego and I'm scared if one day I do married with him, I'll end up being a 'punching bag's wife and that would be so scary shit and I don't want anything like that to happen.
I did read something that Ustaz Azhar Idrus told people that to find a better person to be our husband is we must test their anger to know if he can handle it or not, if he can, he's the right person. For man, the guy must test the girl by conquer her, if she listens to you, she's the right person.
So my conclusion is Syuk is literally the opposite of what UAI said and I got really disappointed so for now I have give up on him and may he change in the future for the better so that he can meet someone better. In the midst of all that, I keep playfully joking around with Wan and I found he had everything I need in my list of wanted husband (lol), but the thing is he had a crush with a girl he had tried so hard to get with, her name is Fatimah. That lucky girl, I am so jealous but not that jealous, it just that he got someone who fits to be a husband. One, because he is very diligent in performing his solah every day and he keep reminding girls around him not to touch him because it's haram. Two, he is a responsibility man as far as I know. Three, he's a good-looking guy. Fourth, he can be sexy and cute at times and sometimes we keep flirting each other and it's so funny. Despite all that, I still had no serious feelings towards him but if he propose me, I would accept though I had no feeling towards him because you know, falling in love after married is more wonderful and it's halal too. Ya Allah, I can't wait to get married! haha me so --'
Whatever it is, I don't have a crush on anyone and it's bothering me like the hell man~
Oh ya, I still stalk capital 'I' and I don't know why.